Sora81

Why do we want what we can't have? That which is ever so close, yet so far away. Is it fair for me to ask of you what you morally can't? Only because I want you to stay? In this better, alternating reality, my dreams you're with me, from dusk to dawn, day after day. But when I wake up you're gone, the usual cliché. Instantly filled with regret, wishing I could just fall asleep again, in "our" bed. Dreaming, hoping, I guess it's just my way of coping. But you know, maybe if I tried hard enough, I could just let it all go and forget. And if that doesn't work, well, I'll just have to learn to live with this regret. Regret for this one and only missed chance at our Romeo and Juliet-like romance.

All she wanted was my attention. I did not. To get kisses and hugs and love she deserved. I did not. She was emotionally available. I was not. She was perfect in every single way a man could ask for. I was not. She was marriage material. I was not. I made a horrendous mistake. She did not. She was furious, emotionally broken. I was too. After my mistake, after I lost everything I realised what I had found was true love. But I threw it all away without a second thought. Now she's everything I used to be, and I'm everything she used to be. Waiting for her to give that attention. To get those hugs, kisses and love I don't actually deserve anymore. For her to be emotionally available. Waiting for us to be perfect in every single way a couple could ask for. For us to get married. With forgiven horrible mistakes. Happier than ever, emotionally fixed and better than ever. My love, my life, my everything.

On a day like today when the earth crumbles under your feet. A day where a loved one gets lost and everyone's heart skips a beat. A day where families grieve and lovers have a fight. Where one stays very much awake until the middle of the night. A night filled with rain, lightning and thunder, as if even the Gods cry because their hero was put asunder. A night where one can't help but wonder... Will everyone be alright? Will they move on and never forget? These are but a few questions whilst I lay here, awake, in our bed. Have a nice eternal rest husband, father, friend, one day we'll all see each other again, for this isn't the end. - In loving memory of Alex Ausloos, 19/01/1961 - 23/06/2022 -